More like thunderstorms today... but alas, it will provide green grass. :) This year has seemed to fly by, I mean, I'm almost 41... ugh. Although I still think as I did in college, I have less flexibility, more aches and pains, yet more wisdom and stronger beliefs. Who would ever think of what it would be like to be 40... especially when they are 20. I have a great memory when I was in college, of one of my professors turning 40. Of course to us... that was SO FAR away, that we couldn't even begin to think of what it would be like. Well... in retrospect... I didn't think I'd be where I am in my life right now. Honestly, I didn't know exactly where I'd be, so in essence, I'm right there... but in the events leading up to this... nope. I never thought I would have to have surgery on my knee; I never thought my Dad would have died when I was 33; never thought I'd be married for 13 years to someone who didn't love and cherish me, and I didn't him; never thought I would do some of the things I have done, some good, some not so good, but life goes on. We learn to embrace what is good in our lives, toss aside the negative energy and focus on what wonderful plans God has for us.
Recently, I attended a memorial service for a dear friend of mine's daughter. I may have met her daughter once, but I wasn't her friend, barely a passing acquaintance. However, after that service, I felt as though I was being spoken to, by some subconscious recollections and by the whisper of God advising me to look, listen, and learn from what my eyes were trying to focus in on through the tears, my ears were trying to decipher through the hints of sniffles around me, and what my heart was feeling. This woman was truly a woman of God. Prayer was important. Her family was important. Her friends were important. Children who were not hers were important. She put everyone else first, but God. God was her number ONE. As it should be. It was not only a sweet and heartfelt service.
It was a wake up call.
For this person
...who used to be so full of life and love, that has let the world mold and shape me when I used to deny that happening;
...who made promises to keep in touch with distant family and friends, but hasn't made the time;
...who has not let those around her know the true depths of her for fear of rejection and/or failure;
...who always tries to please people and has her whole life, yet has obtained a bitterness from the hateful environment that surrounded her;
...who values and weighs heavily your opinion against hers, and knows in her soul what is right from wrong;
...who can write a ten page prayer to God without giving a second thought to see what time it is;
...who could not feel sorry for herself because she counted her blessings and knew in her heart that the Lord will provide, though it might not be what she had envisioned.
...who I call myself.
I am writing this prayer, to share with you, my friends, a reflection of thoughts, and have not included names... but God knows who I am talking about. Nothing more. Nothing less. It probably won't change your life, but if it does, I hope it's for the greater good. It might make you laugh, and that's okay. But I'm telling you... if you witnessed what I did a couple of Friday's ago, you would reevaluate your priorities and make a little more time for God.
Love you all.
Dear God,
What I want to talk to you, God, about tonight, well, this morning, is the questions that enter my mind. Such as: why? what if? when? where? All good questions, too. I don't want to pray for patience anymore, because it seems that when I do, I am dealt more things to be patient about. :) So, that's NOT my prayer tonight.
Tonight, I pray for humility, peace within, knowing who I am...a good person; that I choose right over wrong; good over bad. I pray that in my heart, I will pray more, love more, forgive more, give more, and laugh out loud a lot.
I pray for all of those around me that think their prayers fall on deaf ears, or that You don't care about them.
I pray for them to realize that You are there. You are always there, and have always been there, and will always be there.
I pray for the reconciliation of a father and his son, a father and his daughter, and justice in that journey.
I pray for the reconciliation of a daughter and a mother, and everything so testy that goes with that journey.
I pray for an addictive habit to break in someone so young, so they may find their way to you.
I pray that those who have just stopped looking for you, to reclaim the position in the journey.
I pray for the continuation of good service to You from Your children.
I pray for my friends who love you, who fear you, who cry out to you and who ignore you. Many need you right now, and they have no idea how great a need that it is, nor how strong of an ally You are.
I pray for those who use Your name and profess to be Yours yet their actions speak otherwise.
I pray for those who have recent surgeries that their healing will be strong, no matter how long it takes.
I pray for a mother who mourns the loss of her son, daily; As well as a brother and sister who have lost a sibling.
I pray that You give words of comfort to a mother who consoles her daughter, that she may see You through her mother's words and actions.
I pray for a sweet older lady to be in good health. Age is becoming apparent yet doesn't sway her faith.
I pray for friend of my mother's who is still having back issues, and trying to not hurt. Please alleviate the pain and help her find strength in You to get her through this.
I pray for all the soldiers who are not yet home, that they may keep the faith in You; the ones who have made it home, that they may keep the faith in You now that they are home; and those who have gone home with You, please be with their families and comfort them in a way that only You can.
I pray for all the role models for young adults right now, that many of them could be more like Tim Tebow, and less like 95% of the others. I pray for recognition of God-loving, God-fearing Christians who have chosen to walk the walk.
I pray for safe travels for some of my family who are traveling at the moment.
I pray for my friends by name, silent prayers for each. Help me recognize the truths in my friendships.
I pray that those around me can see You through my actions and words.
I pray that I can get some sleep and the tea loses it's affect tonight.
Thank you, God, for all of my family. Especially for my mom and my sister. Let Daddy and Mamaw Dot and Mamaw Cival know they are thought of with love. Be with my sweet friend who had to say goodbye to her daughter, and comfort her in knowing that You've got it under control. As You always do. Thank you for the beauty that surrounds me every day, even inside my house, with my eyes shut. You are an Awesome God. Thank you, God, for the rain today, and for the cycles that go on in our lives. April showers do bring May flowers, and bluebonnets, green grass, and Indian paintbrushes. Thanks for reigning today and always.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Fill me with Your spirit, Lord,
Amen.
