Ephesians 3:16

I am at the point of wanting to vanish. Be alone with my thoughts, my prayers and God. Maybe shed some light on what's on my heart lately. I want to go where I can just be me. Drop the wall of expectation that I seem to run into all the time. I think I hold myself to a higher standard than I need to at times. Don't get me wrong, I love doing things for others, engulfing myself in the servant mode, feel Christ move in me... however, there are times that I just want to be alone, with my thoughts. Being alone with my thoughts usually causes me to think too much about things or over examine things going on in my life. This is a necessary part of my life. I wouldn't be myself if I didn't do this.

I need to let go of the control and independence that I seem to possess, and have excelled in the past 15 years. It's difficult for me to let someone do for me, yet so easy to do for others.

Losing a sweet friend recently, and happens when I am hit in the face with a reality check, puts life in perspective. Was looking through emails from her, and re-reading all the sweet words she wrote to me. She sent me this...

"Here is a verse that I cling to in my insecurities and what you to know that I am praying this verse to you: [Ephesians 3:16 I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with the power through the Holy Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your heart, through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God.] After all... it is only God's love that matters. And His love is your value. Thank goodness for His grace... Love ya, Elizabeth A. Mandola" 

My soul smiles at the message. 

I need to get lost and consumed with the grace and reverence of God.

Live life original.
Be yourself.
Enjoy the little things.
Promote prayer.
Forgive freely.
Count your blessings.

God knows your heart.
Is He smiling?

Giving

This word has provided me a lot to think about as of late. I have realized I cannot change myself to appease others. As much as I might think I can, I can't. Not going to happen. Their reactions may be different, but my intent remains the same. I fully believe that if I am to give, I give. Doesn't matter what... time, money, shoulder, smile, hug, silence... as long as I have it to give.

At many times in my life, I have been accused of trying to "buy" my friends. First of all, let me state this: I am not rich, nor do I plan to be rich in anything but love. For those who have thought that, not gotten to know me better, I am truly sorry, for you will never know the true meaning of my friendship. I love my friends. Almost as much as I love my family, and most of my close friends are like my family. For those friends, I would die for them, given the question. Do you have friends like that? That mean that much to you? Do you have a servant's heart?

God loves a cheerful giver. And just because you might not have any money doesn't mean you can't give... give your love, advice, arms, empathy or your silence. Silence speaks volumes at times. Some of the most heartfelt gifts I have ever received, didn't have a monetary value on them, yet I will treasure them as the priceless pieces of my life that only I have, with that friend, in my heart, forever.

So the next time someone does something nice for you, instead of having an immediate reaction of them having an ulterior motive, think about it, and take it for what it is. Have an open mind and open heart. God has a way of taking care of those who have other reasons they are being nice... It's not your job to deny someone the right to be a giver. :)

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13

Every man shall give as he is able,
according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.
– Deuteronomy 16:17

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.
– Proverbs 3:27

…the righteous gives and does not hold back.
– Proverbs 21:26

Give to everyone who asks of you,
and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.
– Luke 6:30