Is it always worth it?

Is it always worth it?

Ever feel that you try too hard? When is enough enough?

I have done nothing but try and be the best person, the best friend that I can be to many of my "friends"... I have been welcomed into circles of friends... and for that am grateful, though some are under false pretenses. I don't fit well with clicks, or the "in" group. I don't conform to others opinions just because I hang around them... or feel the same way because someone tells me I ought to. For this, I am deeply saddened that as I reflect on some of the friendships that I thought were a gift, a treasure, in reality were not.

Maybe I just need more intricate relationships... Some relationships that I loved... friends that I thought were forever... weren't what I needed to be a better person... Surface, yes. Deeper, no. Not my level of deep anyway... more like a 12 ft pool, instead of a 60 ft. dive in the ocean... which in the grand scheme of things... at least we weren't sitting in the kiddie pool.

When you give and give, and give.. and give some more, and you are around those who constantly take and take, and take... and take what's left... where does that leave you? Empty.

In some relationships in my life I have been walked on, kicked while I was down, used and abused, taken advantage of... whatever bad you can imagine, it's probably happened... all because I see the greater good in people. Learning from those experiences leaves me a bit apprehensive to truly be myself around those who I value, love, cherish, etc. But I still manage...

I do know that people arrive on your path for a reason... whether it be to be a friend forever, or just a little time... there is some sort of value/lesson to be learned from it. Sometimes, grant it, we don't ever really know why God puts certain people in our paths... but I can be sure that the ones that lead me closer to Him, are the forever friends... and for that... I am grateful.

• Lori knows me just about as good as anyone... the good and the bad... Sure, yes, we've argued, gotten attitudes with each other, but we've always managed to love each other regardless...cousin or not, she's the one that would be there for me if I truly needed her to. She may not understand the reasons I do things, or think the way I think... but she knows how to react to those reasons and thoughts... in a non-abrupt, non-invasive, caring way. She is honest with me... brutally, but I need that sometimes. It might be genetic that we just get along... always have... Others say they would, but in the depths of me... I'm not sure they would follow through. People sometimes say a lot, just to say a lot... with no substance. Maybe I just need validation that I am doing the right thing... by the right people... for the right reason... ? Who knows.
  

If I could have a super power, it would almost be to know how others think. Because I am sure I misinterpret so many times, the way people say something, their non-verbals, their tone, or just their actions in general.... and they could be thinking something totally opposite. This is why we should learn respect at a very early age... It would more than likely not be an issue, or at least as large of one, when we become adults.

So.. take the good with the bad... isn't that life in general?

Is it always worth it? 

To you... maybe, maybe not... but you'll never know if you don't take the risk... take the chance... and go for it...

Only you can decide whether or not it's truly worth the emotion, the love, the disappointment, the belly laughs, the tears, the sadness, the feeling of having a best friend, or the sickening feeling of having a mortal enemy... and the greatest friend you have can be here one moment, and gone in an instant.

Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13 NIV

Is it always worth it to me? yes

My heart is heavy right now. I have some major decisions in front of me... and I am not sure how I'll get through them, better yet, how it will affect those involved or those who will be the recipients of these decsions... because every dadgum thing I do has a consequence... that was a fun one to learn.