sitting here silent.

Silence always has played a key role in my life education. Every time there is a elongated time of silence, I tend to dive into my mind, playing somewhere between my subconscious and conscious, and try to make sense of this crazy thing we call life, why we do some of the idiotic things we do, and the joy of rewards or suffering of the consequences that we face each and every day.

Sometimes I've often wondered if I am paying for a mistake my parents made. Silly, I guess, but when life choices come about, that question lurks near my thoughts and I wonder why it does. Why don't I have kids? Would I not make a good mother? Am I too selfish, independent, or am I just not supposed to have my own children? I was married 13 years and never entertained the thought of thinking I was pregnant. Maybe the genetics/dna wasn't appropriate and God stepped in and halted that from the getgo. That would be my wish. Then in turn it makes me wonder why there are some people who are blessed with children and don't want them, or don't love them. Makes no sense. There are so many out there to love, why aren't there enough to love them?

Silence sometimes is deafening, drowning out the everyday reality, the quirkiness of an awkward situation, or blanketing the darkness of night. Although I enjoy thinking when it's silent, my brain tends to be more at ease with some sort of audio or visual stimulation. Hence why I love music so much. If I had to choose between losing my sight and losing my hearing... it would be a tight race. Although beauty is most often referred to as being seen with the eyes, it can also be heard with the soul.

A lot has been on my mind lately about those who are not as exposed to God, or have not been exposed to God in the same way that I have. Many people are suffering in their own tragedies, self-inflicted, due to environmental surroundings. During this thought, I thought of one of my favorite quotes from Helen Keller, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." So for all of us who have experienced trial and suffering, let this remind us that we are strengthening our souls. We are constantly learning, each day, through every thought, every reaction, every dream that is reached, and every effort given. Remember that. God made us amazing children... of course.