Ixtapa is beautiful... or at least the Capella Ixtapa Resort is. Sheilah and I arrived around a little before eight o'clock.... God bless Sheilah for inviting me... it is an absolutely breathtaking view. If there was a way to record it in real time... so that your eyes could actually see what I was seeing, your nose could smell the ocean water, your eyes could soak up the wonder of God's handiwork here, and your soul could feel the freedom mine is feeling right now... I would so post it on here. But, they haven't made a gadget to record all of that... yet anyway. Where we are in on a cliff... there is huge waves crashing on the rocks constantly, providing a nice soundtrack to me typing this... as I sit out on the balcony near the plunge pool. The moon is full, yet hiding behind some clouds, but prominent focal point for nights by the coast. We are on the top floor, or close, so we have a beautiful view of the pool and restaurant below, next to the ocean.
It's definitely not as hot, well humid, here as it was in Puerto Vallarta last week. It's comfortable... like where you are dripping with sweat from just walking out the door.
Some of the clouds have burned off and the full moon is visible through them. The clouds, as scattered thoughts, tend to encompass the moon, but like a good friend, let it shine without getting in it's way.. allowing it to shows it's true potential. What a wonder. So, yes, I'm sitting here, with the only light being the moon and this computer, basking in God's creation that is still awesome.
Maybe I need a house by the ocean... I love the sound of the crashing waves... it's powerful, yet peaceful... commanding, yet calming. That'll be in my next life.. ha ha.
Have no idea what we are going to do, but I'm sure we will do it well... I might stay up a little longer and write a little more, just not on here... will post a link for pictures soon... Love to all...
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
thinking... little things...
so many things have gone through my head lately... from life lessons to morals and believability... I'm trying so hard to just let things happen... not expect too much from people, yet I still find myself expecting and honestly still disappointed in the lack of caring of people in general. I still get lost in my music. I have always loved music... all genres (well, all except much rap, or opera... I prefer to hear a voice, not just words, and be able to understand them...) There are SO many songs that just take me back to a certain moment in time and I can actually close my eyes and see myself in that memory. So... what is one of those songs... that takes you back in time, and makes you smile? I heard an old song by Winger... go figure... but it took me back to summer 1990, vacation to Indiana to see my friend from college, Michelle... and I went on their family vacation with them on a lake in Tennessee... rented houseboats, tied them together, and had a floating party for a week... then a song by Pink¡ and thought of Lori... ha ha... although the song was "sober"... Pink¡ really is a good artist.... then a song by Nickelback... and ha ha... the nights come into full view... both Toyota Center and Woodlands Pavillion... :)
One of my favorite song memories, though, is "PS I Love You"... after watching "For the Boys" with Dad, he sang his rendition of the song... wish I had recorded it... :) I miss him. He loved music, too... maybe that's why I love it... but Mom loves music (instruments) too... I remember listening to 102.9 back in the day when it was elevator type music (and I had NO choice, because growing up in my family we respected our parents... and didn't even attempt to argue or suggest a different radio station but once... and if the answer was no, it was no... and I endured listening to "her" music... and she would point on each instrument that was playing in that song... little did I know that she was speaking to my soul, and teaching me to appreciate what goes into making a song. thanks mom. :)
One of the not so good memories was in November 1982... when Mom and I were driving up to see my great-grandfather in the hospital near Center, Texas... Mom had just got a new Lincoln Town Car, and was so excited to be able to take it on a trip... Back then, seatbelts weren't mandatory, so I didn't have mine on... but I had just gotten the cassette single of "Nobody" by Sylvia... remember that song? Well, I was so excited to listen to it... I was messing with the cassette player and in a blink of an eye... Mom veered to the right on the shoulder... she saw the wreck coming... an IDIOT passed us going uphill in a no passing zone at dusk with headlights coming over the hill... needless to say, they hit head on... all while I was listening to that tape. One of the cars was spinning and flipped and hit Mom's car, right behind the driver's door... I remember when it happened and seeing my mom hold the wheel (she's still strong) the driver's side window shattered on top of her and she had a grimace on her face... it threw me up and I hit my head on the top of the car... After the car was stopped, and we were noticeably okay, I got out and cringed... Dad was gonna be so upset... oh, the innocence of an 11-yr old... Dad was thankful we weren't hurt... and we were okay... :) But... I don't think I listened to that cassette single of "Nobody" until I found it cleaning my stuff from Anderson... when Daddy died.
ok... gotta get ready for Mexico... Ixtapa tomorrow with my best friend! Can't wait... I'm not sleepy, and no I didn't drink any tea... just happy to be where I'm at. Hopefully all those around me can sense that in me as well... will post pix as deemed necessary... :)
love to all.... L
One of my favorite song memories, though, is "PS I Love You"... after watching "For the Boys" with Dad, he sang his rendition of the song... wish I had recorded it... :) I miss him. He loved music, too... maybe that's why I love it... but Mom loves music (instruments) too... I remember listening to 102.9 back in the day when it was elevator type music (and I had NO choice, because growing up in my family we respected our parents... and didn't even attempt to argue or suggest a different radio station but once... and if the answer was no, it was no... and I endured listening to "her" music... and she would point on each instrument that was playing in that song... little did I know that she was speaking to my soul, and teaching me to appreciate what goes into making a song. thanks mom. :)
One of the not so good memories was in November 1982... when Mom and I were driving up to see my great-grandfather in the hospital near Center, Texas... Mom had just got a new Lincoln Town Car, and was so excited to be able to take it on a trip... Back then, seatbelts weren't mandatory, so I didn't have mine on... but I had just gotten the cassette single of "Nobody" by Sylvia... remember that song? Well, I was so excited to listen to it... I was messing with the cassette player and in a blink of an eye... Mom veered to the right on the shoulder... she saw the wreck coming... an IDIOT passed us going uphill in a no passing zone at dusk with headlights coming over the hill... needless to say, they hit head on... all while I was listening to that tape. One of the cars was spinning and flipped and hit Mom's car, right behind the driver's door... I remember when it happened and seeing my mom hold the wheel (she's still strong) the driver's side window shattered on top of her and she had a grimace on her face... it threw me up and I hit my head on the top of the car... After the car was stopped, and we were noticeably okay, I got out and cringed... Dad was gonna be so upset... oh, the innocence of an 11-yr old... Dad was thankful we weren't hurt... and we were okay... :) But... I don't think I listened to that cassette single of "Nobody" until I found it cleaning my stuff from Anderson... when Daddy died.
ok... gotta get ready for Mexico... Ixtapa tomorrow with my best friend! Can't wait... I'm not sleepy, and no I didn't drink any tea... just happy to be where I'm at. Hopefully all those around me can sense that in me as well... will post pix as deemed necessary... :)
love to all.... L
Difficulty Speaking and Burning Feet
I know this is a stretch... but yes, even I had difficulty speaking in Mexico last week in Puerto Vallarta... but I managed. It's amazing how different life is down there. I am so spoiled to the conveniences, especially in Houston... but it cracked me up, when I walked into the Wal-mart down there, I just about ran into a HUGE display of Tequila... ok... is it just Texas that doesn't sell liquor in Wal-mart? It was very amusing... especially trying to use my limited conversational spanish to try and figure out where the tripods were, along with the spices... :) But it was cheaper down there... And of course, since the World Cup is going on, everything is about "futbol" down there...
On the other side... after we bought some food to take back to the condo... Donna (my friend who I went with to PV) and I decided it was good lighting for photos... although it was HOT... so stupid me... I walked down to the beach w/o any shoes on... OMG. the sand was scalding hot... and I was running. So note to self: Always... always wear shoes when taking pix on the beach... no matter if you need them or not... always better to be safe than sorry.
All in all, it was a fun trip. I ate way too much guacamole... like every day it seemed... and shrimp from across the street at Nopal Beach Eddie's... where they graciously let me use their wi-fi... and they learned how to make my 'masondixon' from Toby Keith's...yum.
Another note... their tostada chips down there are way too thick. I miss the tex-mex chips... like Chuy's chips... love them!! And... if any of you ever go to Puerto Vallarta... you MUST go to Ah! Caramba restaurant... it was a fabulous view of the city, overlooking the town, and the food was fabulous... the best shrimp stuffed avocado ever!!
:) more as time permits... peace out for now...
On the other side... after we bought some food to take back to the condo... Donna (my friend who I went with to PV) and I decided it was good lighting for photos... although it was HOT... so stupid me... I walked down to the beach w/o any shoes on... OMG. the sand was scalding hot... and I was running. So note to self: Always... always wear shoes when taking pix on the beach... no matter if you need them or not... always better to be safe than sorry.
All in all, it was a fun trip. I ate way too much guacamole... like every day it seemed... and shrimp from across the street at Nopal Beach Eddie's... where they graciously let me use their wi-fi... and they learned how to make my 'masondixon' from Toby Keith's...yum.
Another note... their tostada chips down there are way too thick. I miss the tex-mex chips... like Chuy's chips... love them!! And... if any of you ever go to Puerto Vallarta... you MUST go to Ah! Caramba restaurant... it was a fabulous view of the city, overlooking the town, and the food was fabulous... the best shrimp stuffed avocado ever!!
:) more as time permits... peace out for now...
Monday, April 26, 2010
crazy isn't it...?
Okay, I have thought many things in the almost 39 years I have been here on Earth... and the one thing that gets me every time is the temptation to try something new... whether it be a new city, a new type of food, a new drink, a new outlook, a new perspective, a new truth... Usually when I do try one of these things, I either am happy with the choice, or I choose not to do it again.
Thoughts in my head right now are exploring my options. I really don't have anything holding me here in Houston. Well, let me take that back... my family is here. My mom and my sister... and my friends... most of them. But that doesn't mean that I won't make new friends. Haven't really had an issue with that before. But I really want to travel. See places I haven't seen.
And yes, I do want to do these things... :) call me crazy. but I do.
I guess it's time for me to write a list... of what I want to do... it may be too long for this blog... but it'll be fun.
1. skydive (tandem of course)
2. fly in a two seater plane with the wind hitting my face.
3. write a book (fiction) on my own time, preferably near an ocean.
4. go deep sea fishing (without touching the fish)
5. get in touch with 5 friends from the past (you know the ones that I swore would be friends forever)
6. tell at least 5 people a week what contribution they have made (or are making) in my life.
7. play in a volleyball tournament this summer.
8. go back to NYC to visit KT and possibly see the NYC Marathon in November.
9. record a song (for the pure fun of it)
10. take photos of old post offices in Texas. (quirky, I know)
11. compile a book with Jessica with photos and stories... (photojournalist style)
12. go to a game of each this year: astros, aeros, rockets and texans
13. dance in the rain again (it felt so good)
14. pray with someone close to me.
15. finish the flooring in my house, and decide what I'm going to do with it
16. go to North Carolina, at some point.
17. get an iPad for Mom.
18. simplify my life (get rid of junk and things that clutter my life)
19. invent something.
20. rebrand my image (photographic design)
21. go to a play on Broadway.
22. go snowboarding (in Colorado preferably)
23. drink more water
24. work out at least 5 days a week.
25. set weekly goals.
26. pay my student loans off before I die.
27. sleep under the stars (without the bugs)
28. get a massage at least once a month.
29. reveal a memory to a new friend that tells them something about me.
30. get over the texture (and cold, raw) thing, and try sashimi. -- I don't forsee this happening.
ok the list could go on, but I'll start with that... and I'll revisit that every now and then to see if I have done ANY of it... or more like see what I HAVE DONE.
:) To each of you who read this, God Bless You. You make my life better just by being in it. God has a plan. I can't wait to see what He has in store!!
love each of you!!
Thoughts in my head right now are exploring my options. I really don't have anything holding me here in Houston. Well, let me take that back... my family is here. My mom and my sister... and my friends... most of them. But that doesn't mean that I won't make new friends. Haven't really had an issue with that before. But I really want to travel. See places I haven't seen.
And yes, I do want to do these things... :) call me crazy. but I do.
I guess it's time for me to write a list... of what I want to do... it may be too long for this blog... but it'll be fun.
1. skydive (tandem of course)
2. fly in a two seater plane with the wind hitting my face.
3. write a book (fiction) on my own time, preferably near an ocean.
4. go deep sea fishing (without touching the fish)
5. get in touch with 5 friends from the past (you know the ones that I swore would be friends forever)
6. tell at least 5 people a week what contribution they have made (or are making) in my life.
7. play in a volleyball tournament this summer.
8. go back to NYC to visit KT and possibly see the NYC Marathon in November.
9. record a song (for the pure fun of it)
10. take photos of old post offices in Texas. (quirky, I know)
11. compile a book with Jessica with photos and stories... (photojournalist style)
12. go to a game of each this year: astros, aeros, rockets and texans
13. dance in the rain again (it felt so good)
14. pray with someone close to me.
15. finish the flooring in my house, and decide what I'm going to do with it
16. go to North Carolina, at some point.
17. get an iPad for Mom.
18. simplify my life (get rid of junk and things that clutter my life)
19. invent something.
20. rebrand my image (photographic design)
21. go to a play on Broadway.
22. go snowboarding (in Colorado preferably)
23. drink more water
24. work out at least 5 days a week.
25. set weekly goals.
26. pay my student loans off before I die.
27. sleep under the stars (without the bugs)
28. get a massage at least once a month.
29. reveal a memory to a new friend that tells them something about me.
30. get over the texture (and cold, raw) thing, and try sashimi. -- I don't forsee this happening.
ok the list could go on, but I'll start with that... and I'll revisit that every now and then to see if I have done ANY of it... or more like see what I HAVE DONE.
:) To each of you who read this, God Bless You. You make my life better just by being in it. God has a plan. I can't wait to see what He has in store!!
love each of you!!
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Cusp of 39...
Sitting here in a hotel room in Austin... can't go to sleep because I drank too much iced tea today... nice. (but I did get to eat Chuy's) Working all day tomorrow... I'm sure the 5-hr energy drink will come in handy in the a.m.
The past two weeks have been crazy. My divorce was final on Monday. Flew to NYC on Friday to work in Philly Saturday and Sunday, then back to NYC to fly home Monday night. Tuesday I slept most of the day. Wednesday I had volleyball. Thursday I left for the ACMs in Vegas way too early... but it provided me time to lay out by the pool at the Golden Nugget, waiting on Michelle to get there...
Friday, Debbie and Cheryl joined us...
then Saturday, Cary and Beth flew in...
The show Sunday night was good,
did I mention how much I love my sister?!?!
the after-party was better...
but the Brooks & Dunn tribute show blew them all away on Monday night.
don't have files from that one yet, but will post soon... :)
What a way to celebrate my almost 39th birthday!! :)
The past two weeks have been crazy. My divorce was final on Monday. Flew to NYC on Friday to work in Philly Saturday and Sunday, then back to NYC to fly home Monday night. Tuesday I slept most of the day. Wednesday I had volleyball. Thursday I left for the ACMs in Vegas way too early... but it provided me time to lay out by the pool at the Golden Nugget, waiting on Michelle to get there...
Friday, Debbie and Cheryl joined us...
then Saturday, Cary and Beth flew in...
The show Sunday night was good,
did I mention how much I love my sister?!?!
the after-party was better...
but the Brooks & Dunn tribute show blew them all away on Monday night.
don't have files from that one yet, but will post soon... :)
What a way to celebrate my almost 39th birthday!! :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thoughts in Silence
It's kind of eerie how the silence seems so loud. I have learned a lot about myself over the past few days. More like I am realizing more about myself. And I'm not quite sure how to react to some of the things that I am feeling. Talked to my cousin tonight and we had a good conversation about feeling valued. And I know this blog goes out to more than a few friends, I'd be curious to have your feedback on this subject.
I was telling her, as well as a good friend of mine, and it's been this way my entire life I think, that if I am valued, I'm good, everyone's good, life is good... if I am not, then I'm done. I honestly don't want to put forth the effort. It's like my feelings are hurt, and in order for them not to be hurt anymore by whoever isn't valuing me, I'd rather sever the ties, and be done... as much as that would hurt all parties involved. Ok, seriously... that's not me. But that's what I am feeling. I don't get it. Done. Why does it have to be so matter of fact? So decisive? It's irritating. Maybe I just need to chill and stay away from everyone and everything for a while, collect my thoughts and feelings, suck it up, and get on with my life. That's what I want to do. Will I do it? Hmm. At the moment, I don't have time. I am too busy doing stuff that I had no business volunteering for (or being volunteered for) or committing to in the first place. But I am a person of my word, and even if it kills me, I will more than likely follow through.
I think I just need someone to understand where I'm coming from, and no one person really can. Lori is probably as close as it gets b/c she's my cousin... similar genes... similar thought processes... ok, I guess that means I can only count on her to understand me, or at least pretend to understand me... :) Although, I have a few other friends that are good at that. :) And that may be all I need.
I don't need someone to save me.
I don't need someone to baby me (though pampering every now and then is nice).
I don't need someone to use me (been there, done that).
I don't need someone to feel sorry for me or pity me (waste of energy part).
I don't need someone to expect me to be someone I am not (happened enough life).
I don't need someone to try and get in my head and say things for me.
However...
I need someone to love me.
I need someone to forgive me.
I need someone to accept me.
I need someone to appreciate me.
I need someone to cherish me.
I need someone to be there if I need to call at 3am.
I need someone to get me.
I need someone to laugh with me, and make me laugh.
I need someone who will take a risk, but know limitations.
I need someone who loves life.
I need someone to value me.
And that "someone" is anyone I call my friend. period.
(and yes, thank you renna, for answering that call at 4:30 in the morning at the time of the bull incident...)
So many people have asked me what am I going to do after the divorce. First of all, I have to be able to afford the divorce. Still working on that. Do I think it's what God wants? I don't think it's what He wants, but I think He knows my heart, and his heart. I have a feeling I am going to struggle with this. That's just me.
I have friends tell me to do what I want to do, what makes me happy. My family says it's about time, I deserve it... but do I really? As I look back, it's hard to tell if that is an accurate statement. Maybe I'm destined not to be married. I know for a fact I am not that easy of a person to love... if you have to spend too much time around me. Sad, right? ha... no. not sad at all. I think I possess an energy that wears on people. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not sure what really drives it... but it's there. I have to be going. nonstop, it seems. I need to slow down, and I have quite a bit (thank you Sheilah for all the vacay opps)... but still need to a little more.
All I know is that I cannot change the core of who I am. What I believe. What I know about myself. I can change the influence, but I won't compromise my beliefs or morals to satisfy someone else's opinion or viewpoint. I'm not that one in the crowd. I will be the one questioning why before changing who I am.
I might be silent, step back and watch and listen... but not change. Some of you think it's strange for me to be quiet. :) It could be. Depends on why I'm quiet. I have learned that sometimes it's better just to shut up and be quiet, than say too much. Spilling at the mouth sometimes gets you in trouble, even when it's meant to help heal, it ends up hurting... so I'm working on conversational control.
But know this, when I am silent, I usually am thinking about why, what, where, what if, and how...
And if any of this rakes on you, then perhaps it needs to. Though the intention was just my thoughts... it wasn't written specifically for anyone or anything, just what I was thinking tonight.
Oh yeah, and thanks Sheilah, for making it apparent that I need more than 3 vacations out of the country per year to lower my stress level and possibly keep my sanity level closer to normal. :) Thinking moving to Belize for 6 months might be a key to survival. (just no lobster)
And one more thing... I wouldn't be where I am, wouldn't have quite as interesting of a life if it weren't for you, who are reading this. You are my greatest friends who I share this with. Know that you are cherished, appreciated and loved more than you can imagine. Phil 1:3
I was telling her, as well as a good friend of mine, and it's been this way my entire life I think, that if I am valued, I'm good, everyone's good, life is good... if I am not, then I'm done. I honestly don't want to put forth the effort. It's like my feelings are hurt, and in order for them not to be hurt anymore by whoever isn't valuing me, I'd rather sever the ties, and be done... as much as that would hurt all parties involved. Ok, seriously... that's not me. But that's what I am feeling. I don't get it. Done. Why does it have to be so matter of fact? So decisive? It's irritating. Maybe I just need to chill and stay away from everyone and everything for a while, collect my thoughts and feelings, suck it up, and get on with my life. That's what I want to do. Will I do it? Hmm. At the moment, I don't have time. I am too busy doing stuff that I had no business volunteering for (or being volunteered for) or committing to in the first place. But I am a person of my word, and even if it kills me, I will more than likely follow through.
I think I just need someone to understand where I'm coming from, and no one person really can. Lori is probably as close as it gets b/c she's my cousin... similar genes... similar thought processes... ok, I guess that means I can only count on her to understand me, or at least pretend to understand me... :) Although, I have a few other friends that are good at that. :) And that may be all I need.
I don't need someone to save me.
I don't need someone to baby me (though pampering every now and then is nice).
I don't need someone to use me (been there, done that).
I don't need someone to feel sorry for me or pity me (waste of energy part).
I don't need someone to expect me to be someone I am not (happened enough life).
I don't need someone to try and get in my head and say things for me.
However...
I need someone to love me.
I need someone to forgive me.
I need someone to accept me.
I need someone to appreciate me.
I need someone to cherish me.
I need someone to be there if I need to call at 3am.
I need someone to get me.
I need someone to laugh with me, and make me laugh.
I need someone who will take a risk, but know limitations.
I need someone who loves life.
I need someone to value me.
And that "someone" is anyone I call my friend. period.
(and yes, thank you renna, for answering that call at 4:30 in the morning at the time of the bull incident...)
So many people have asked me what am I going to do after the divorce. First of all, I have to be able to afford the divorce. Still working on that. Do I think it's what God wants? I don't think it's what He wants, but I think He knows my heart, and his heart. I have a feeling I am going to struggle with this. That's just me.
I have friends tell me to do what I want to do, what makes me happy. My family says it's about time, I deserve it... but do I really? As I look back, it's hard to tell if that is an accurate statement. Maybe I'm destined not to be married. I know for a fact I am not that easy of a person to love... if you have to spend too much time around me. Sad, right? ha... no. not sad at all. I think I possess an energy that wears on people. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not sure what really drives it... but it's there. I have to be going. nonstop, it seems. I need to slow down, and I have quite a bit (thank you Sheilah for all the vacay opps)... but still need to a little more.
All I know is that I cannot change the core of who I am. What I believe. What I know about myself. I can change the influence, but I won't compromise my beliefs or morals to satisfy someone else's opinion or viewpoint. I'm not that one in the crowd. I will be the one questioning why before changing who I am.
I might be silent, step back and watch and listen... but not change. Some of you think it's strange for me to be quiet. :) It could be. Depends on why I'm quiet. I have learned that sometimes it's better just to shut up and be quiet, than say too much. Spilling at the mouth sometimes gets you in trouble, even when it's meant to help heal, it ends up hurting... so I'm working on conversational control.
But know this, when I am silent, I usually am thinking about why, what, where, what if, and how...
And if any of this rakes on you, then perhaps it needs to. Though the intention was just my thoughts... it wasn't written specifically for anyone or anything, just what I was thinking tonight.
Oh yeah, and thanks Sheilah, for making it apparent that I need more than 3 vacations out of the country per year to lower my stress level and possibly keep my sanity level closer to normal. :) Thinking moving to Belize for 6 months might be a key to survival. (just no lobster)
And one more thing... I wouldn't be where I am, wouldn't have quite as interesting of a life if it weren't for you, who are reading this. You are my greatest friends who I share this with. Know that you are cherished, appreciated and loved more than you can imagine. Phil 1:3
Saturday, January 2, 2010
If you think about a response, then issue one. Don't keep it in...
Ever wondered how someone can show no emotion? Takes me back to the time I was asked to that very thing. Okay, for those of you who know me, this would be almost impossible to believe I could accomplish, well, I can be dramatic. Evidently we were celebrating too much during a volleyball game against ETSU, now TX A&M Commerce, and a timeout was called, and I was instructed by my coach, to "show no emotion"... We did end up winning the game, but as I recall, every point scored, kill hit, or good thing that happened that night was overshadowed by that statement. I put on a straight face and finished the match. I still remember that. I remember my dad coming up to me after the game and asking what happened, and my mom asking what was wrong with me? To this day, I can't be sure as to why I followed that directive, but I'm sure it will NEVER happen again... monitored emotion, yes, no emotion, can't do it. I'm an emotional person. Kind of makes me feel sorry for the people who feel they don't need to express themselves. I know all people are different, but it's still sad. I love feeling all the good and bad, though I don't always act it.
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